So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
3 2 1 whiskey
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
