her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
