based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
