I didn't shave. On purpose
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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