Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
