I wanna bring you to show and tell
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
