You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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