I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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