I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
