Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Can i not drive my cunt home
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
