im about as happy as oj after his trial
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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