I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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