I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
