Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize