I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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