he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
