I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
