I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
