it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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