i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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