im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im having a threesome with these popsicles
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
