we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
