thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
