Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
