We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
