my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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