Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
