i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
