I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
