he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
