Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
3 2 1 whiskey
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