I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
