why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
