If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
