Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
