Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Too much gin, very little bucket
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Randomize
