Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the condom got lost in my hair
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
