I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
