before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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