ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I AM VODKA MAN
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
