Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
