So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just high enough for therapy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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