Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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