I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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