not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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