Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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