Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
