Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
