It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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