Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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