Need sex. Gaining weight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
