Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I forget how to act sober
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