No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
