hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
thus making me awesome and them whores
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
