toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
