I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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