So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
