somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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