I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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