Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
