okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She even gives head with a lisp.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
