..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Barsexuality is the new black.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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