I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
