I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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