why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
