can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
