I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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