Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
