Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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