his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
