The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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