question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
