I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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