Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
